Gratitude and Giving

This post will be going live on my regular blog soon, but I’m looking for a related Bible verse.  I haven’t been able to find anything.  Any suggestions?

 

Last night was rough.  For a minute, I found myself wondering what life would be like if something were to happen to Isaac.

He had been kind of fussy, and hadn’t really napped all afternoon.  He projectile vomited after he nursed in the evening, and was even fussier after that.  I had been going through the mental-mommy-checklist all day…warm enough? cool enough? teeth? something weird that I ate?  And then, I undressed him for bed and noticed that his belly button was dark purple.

A purple belly button is obviously not normal, and it can be a sign of serious problems.  Sometimes, umbilical hernias can block the intestines and surgery is needed immediately. 

I was terrified.  I held it together at first, but in the car on the way to the emergency room, I kind of lost it.  I told Bart that I had never been so scared in my life, and it was true.  What if he needed surgery that night?  What if they had to take him from me for tests?  What if he cried while they were examining him and there was nothing I could do to help?

 

And then, the what-ifs became worse. 

What if that was the last time I would ever hold him in my arms and nurse him?

What if the photos I posted yesterday were the last ones I took of him?

What if I had to go home and tell Adam that his Baby Brudder was gone?

What if this sweet, beautiful, easy to care for baby really was too good to be true?

 

I didn’t really know if it was a life-threatening situation, but it was probably the scariest thing I’ve been through as a parent.

 

 

At the ER, they checked all of his vital signs and a very sweet doctor examined him.  She pushed on his belly, and he smiled at her.  We undressed him and did x-rays, and he didn’t cry once.  I started to feel silly, like I had totally overreacted.  This clearly was not a sick baby! 

And the x-rays confirmed that.  Yes, there was an umbilical hernia, but no intestines or anything wrapped up in it.  The x-rays showed a gassy tummy, which probably caused the spitting and fussiness.  The purple belly button was odd, but the absence of other major symptoms meant that he was probably fine.  Just to be safe, the doctor called the pediatrician on duty, and had us wait an hour after I nursed him to make sure he kept it down okay.  He did, and while we were waiting, he filled his diaper; another sign that everything was okay.

 

The doctor could not find an explanation for the purple belly button…maybe it got irritated during tummy time?  Maybe it was just from straining to poo?  But she felt confident that there was nothing seriously wrong with Isaac, and my fears were calmed.

 

We went home, relieved and thankful, saying silent prayers of gratitude.  Now, in the light of the day, with my sweet baby in my arms, I can’t imagine our lives without him.  But last night, I caught a glimpse of what it might be like to be completely helpless, faced with the suffering or death of a child.  I have renewed admiration and heartache for parents who have been through that.  

I believe, more and more, that God gives us certain experiences to shape our character.  Last night, he reminded me that I am selfish and ungrateful.  I have two (three) fabulous, amazing boys in my life, but I am selfish with my time and energy.  Instead of being grateful for the blessings He’s given me, I sometimes resent the fact that those boys NEED so much from me.  Last night, I would have given anything and everything to make sure Isaac was okay, and I would do the same for Bart and Adam.  But what I should really do is just give more everyday – more patience, more time, more energy, more empathy and more gratitude.  

The Lord's purpose prevails

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.~  Proverbs 19:21

House on the Rock

Matthew 7:24-27  The Wise and Foolish Builders

    ²⁴ “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. ²⁵ The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. ²⁶ But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. ²⁷ The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

(http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+7&version=NIV) 


I remember those verses from Sunday School as a little girl.  Really little, because we were in the "blue" room. :)  And I remember the teacher (may have been my mom at that time) telling us that God is our rock.  But I never really "got it" until this last Sunday, when I heard those lines again.  Yes, I understood the metaphor, but sadly, I didn't believe it.


But now I do.  This is what I'm after - the Rock.  I am trying to move my house onto the rock, since I didn't build it there in the first place.  (Too much metaphor?  Oh well.)  I've had a feeling for months that people who have a strong faith get through hard times more easily.  And now I have some scripture to back me up. :)

Follow, Subscribe and Comment

Hey gals,

I just wanted to take a minute to thank you for reading and helping me so much.  I haven't really been replying to each comment, which I normally do.  These are so much more "deep" that I find I need to read them and absorb them and re-read them.  I've been thinking and thinking about all the comments and emails and I appreciate each one, even if I don't reply.  Each of you are helping me learn about others' beliefs, clarify my own beliefs and learn more about scripture.  Thank you!!!

If you want to follow with Google Friend Connect there should be a "follow" button on the toolbar waaaayyy at the top.  There's also a "subscribe" link on the side if you prefer that.  I can't figure out how to put a "subscribe by email" link on here, though.  Anyone know?

Thanks again,
Katie

Where I'm coming from and where I'm going...

I grew up in a Methodist church.  I did not like going.  I had one friend there, and the only other kids were my cousins who I did NOT get along with.  I feel like we went because it was expected of us.

I was confirmed in 7th grade.  I don't remember much about the classes at all.

I belong to a Lutheran church, now.  It is fairly large for our rural area, has a lot of young families and a great Sunday School program.  I hope to give Adam (and future kiddos) a very different experience from what I had.

We don't attend regularly.  It still seems like a "chore."  I'm going to try to change that attitude.  (I think it would help if our church had a coffee hour - what kind of lutheran church doesn't have coffee?)

I believe (or grew up believing...some of these beliefs are changing)

• God is a loving God...he only does "good" things
• Believing in God is enough to get you to heaven
• There's a reason for everything, but only God knows what it is
• God and science/evolution are not opposites  (is "mutually exclusive" the term I'm looking for?)
• Living a good life and making a difference in the world is more important than attending church every weekend.

The three biggest things that I want to focus on now are:

• having faith in hard times
• learning to trust God and give him my worries - I'm prone to anxiety.
• learn how to pray and recognize God's answers

I also need to get to know the Bible better.  Nancy suggested that I get a Bible in the English Standard Version. Any other suggestions?

And basically, I just have a lot of questions.  What do you believe about this, and that, and whatnot...

My "cheerleaders" here all have different religious backgrounds, but very strong faith, so I'm really interested to see what everyone has to say.  I promise, I won't always post 4 times in one day...I was just really focused on this yesterday!

Do Not Worry

Do Not Worry

  
²⁵ “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? ²⁷ Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
²⁸ “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; ²⁹ and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ³⁰ Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
³¹ “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. ³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

(http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+6&version=NKJV)

Nancy directed me to Matthew 6:33.  She said, "But it's when we're seeking Jesus himself, and not the things (peace, contentment) that we actually find them."

I read more of the chapter and realized that this goes perfectly with my struggle to reduce stress and anxiety.  I am a worrier, and I'm hoping that I will be able to trust more that He will take care of things, and be able to worry less that way.

Why and a Plan

So, that last post was kind of random and rambly, huh?

Here's the deal:

Several months ago, when I found out one of my good friends was going lose her baby to a rare genetic condition (Baby Olivia), I decided it was time to get serious about my faith.  I knew then, and feel even more strongly now, that people who have a strong faith seem to get through hard times more easily.  And although I DON'T have a strong faith, I want to be one of those people.

My bloggy friend Jackie and I talked about this, and asked me if I had a "plan."  I didn't, besides go to church more often, and maybe find my Bible.  Well, neither of those things have materialized.

So my new "plan" is to:

1. collect meaningful Bible verses here.
2. Go to church more often.
3. Find my Bible.  Pathetic, I know.
4. Talk about my questions, doubts, and beliefs here, with you guys.

Any other suggestions?

Getting Started

I'm not going to try to be super eloquent here.  If I think about what I'm writing too much, I'm afraid I will edit too much and my true thoughts/feelings won't be apparent.

I just watched a video at Goodeness Gracious that inspired me to start this blog.  You don't HAVE to watch the video, my response will give you quite a bit of information about how it affected me.  But I have a feeling it will affect others in different ways, according to YOUR personal struggles, so I would recommend it anyway. 
Here is the video:


And here was my response:

The little religion tidbit at the end hit me hard. I've been struggling with my faith, but through this struggle, I've learned that those who have a strong, unwavering faith, seem to get through harder times more easily, and are generally happier. That's what I love about Mormon blogs. weird, huh?

The vulnerability part doesn't speak to me as much, but this whole thing is making me think maybe I should start a more private blog to explore religion, and invite some of my close bloggy friends to read it.

There, I said the vulnerability part doesn't speak to me, yet I don't want my struggle with faith to be completely public. Maybe I should watch the video again.

Oh geesh. Then, I just watched the part about perfecting our children. Now, I'm feeling "shame." (Now you're getting a play-by-play as I pause, type, watch, pause, type.)

One last reaction: I am a "green" according to the Real Colors test. Greens are always trying to make things better. Always. And that includes bettering myself. I just can't get the idea that "I'm enough" through my head.

I'm very comfortable in social situations, and don't have any problem sharing personal things about myself with near strangers or people I've newly met. In fact, for me it's easier to share things with those people than it would be to share them with my mom, or my in-laws, etc.

But, I don't feel like "I'm enough." I feel like I could be a better parent, and a better housekeeper, and a better wife, and a better farm manager. And a better teacher, although thank God, that one's not my main focus like it was the last 3 years.

I'm afraid that if I say "I'm enough" then I will be a lazy bum. And I truly feel most worthy when I am most productive. And I want that productivity to show in a clean, organized house and smart kid (there, I said it) and I want to be verbally appreciated and thanked for that productivity, too.

Man-oh-man. I better go start my new blog. And I better use this "comment" as my first post, don't you think?