Getting Started

I'm not going to try to be super eloquent here.  If I think about what I'm writing too much, I'm afraid I will edit too much and my true thoughts/feelings won't be apparent.

I just watched a video at Goodeness Gracious that inspired me to start this blog.  You don't HAVE to watch the video, my response will give you quite a bit of information about how it affected me.  But I have a feeling it will affect others in different ways, according to YOUR personal struggles, so I would recommend it anyway. 
Here is the video:


And here was my response:

The little religion tidbit at the end hit me hard. I've been struggling with my faith, but through this struggle, I've learned that those who have a strong, unwavering faith, seem to get through harder times more easily, and are generally happier. That's what I love about Mormon blogs. weird, huh?

The vulnerability part doesn't speak to me as much, but this whole thing is making me think maybe I should start a more private blog to explore religion, and invite some of my close bloggy friends to read it.

There, I said the vulnerability part doesn't speak to me, yet I don't want my struggle with faith to be completely public. Maybe I should watch the video again.

Oh geesh. Then, I just watched the part about perfecting our children. Now, I'm feeling "shame." (Now you're getting a play-by-play as I pause, type, watch, pause, type.)

One last reaction: I am a "green" according to the Real Colors test. Greens are always trying to make things better. Always. And that includes bettering myself. I just can't get the idea that "I'm enough" through my head.

I'm very comfortable in social situations, and don't have any problem sharing personal things about myself with near strangers or people I've newly met. In fact, for me it's easier to share things with those people than it would be to share them with my mom, or my in-laws, etc.

But, I don't feel like "I'm enough." I feel like I could be a better parent, and a better housekeeper, and a better wife, and a better farm manager. And a better teacher, although thank God, that one's not my main focus like it was the last 3 years.

I'm afraid that if I say "I'm enough" then I will be a lazy bum. And I truly feel most worthy when I am most productive. And I want that productivity to show in a clean, organized house and smart kid (there, I said it) and I want to be verbally appreciated and thanked for that productivity, too.

Man-oh-man. I better go start my new blog. And I better use this "comment" as my first post, don't you think?